Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
