in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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