I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
