Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Even my vagina gasped.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
