You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
