And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
