Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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