Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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