apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I believe in your delicious
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
