Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
