Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
