She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize