Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
