how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
