hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
