this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize