he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
