I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
