So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
