So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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