god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
