She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
