i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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