hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
are you so shy because you have an std?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
