i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
