happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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