I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
