I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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