i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
