So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
