Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
