meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
