..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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