I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
