I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
