Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
