ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
