dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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