She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
