Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
