I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
