there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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