That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
