Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
