if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
