Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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