please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
