so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
