it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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