Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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