I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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