he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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