I just saw a hot homeless man
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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