You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
