thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
