yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You need a sexual gate keeper
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
