Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
