And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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