There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
