he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
