i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
