Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
