I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
