There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
