so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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