Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
