hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
