I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize