if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We just shotgunned beers for America
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
