you guys were way drunker than both of me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
