Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
