He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize