uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
God gave him joint rollers for hands
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
