I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize