and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
