Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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