Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
