dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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