last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
