I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
