we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
