also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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