What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
