It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
