my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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