my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Couch. On fire.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
