my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
