it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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