i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
