She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
