Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
