Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
