Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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