Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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