If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize