Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
