In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
