I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
