I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Watching her eat just hurts me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
