I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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