i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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