I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
