I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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