My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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