It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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