Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
