Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
