We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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